The Girl Who Lives Reality♥

Day 7- (Nothing)

2012-02-09T16:30:00.000-08:00

Not in the mood to write.

#Headache.
#FML

Day 6- Shattering.

2012-02-08T19:34:00.000-08:00

That's it. It's happening. Everything is settling on my shoulders. I'm going to brake. I'm going to collapse. The world is putting to much on me. There is so much drama. So many things to say. So many things to do. I just can't keep up. I can't bare it anymore. My life has gone down hill. Everything just came crashing down on me. I can't take it anymore. It's all ruined. I have nothing left. Ever since I lost my brother. Everything, Just, I don't know anymore. Every now and then I cry out of nowhere. It's like everything hits me because, it all just comes back. Then everything adds on to my past.

I use the tough part of me, to cover up my insides. The true me. When really?, I just want a shoulder to cry on. I've ruined everything. I hate it here. It's all my fault. Everything. It all is and always has been. I can't take living like this anymore. I'm breaking. Shattering. I'm giving up Lord. Please help me. Keep me from the stupid things of this world. I still miss everyone in my family. I miss my brother and my daddy. I can't take knowing that I'll never be able to see Timothy again. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him. Even now every night I pray and talk to him like he is there when I know he isn't.

I'm done with drama. I'm just going to be me.. Lonnie. Not someone that somebody wants me to be. I'm done acting, I'm done trying and lying. I'm in love. That is part of me and always will be. It's just that I can't take what it has brought me to do. I want to live my life. I want to be free. It's life, nothing more.. Life. It's my turn. Not yours, not his, not hers, MINE. I wanted things to be perfect, but now I realise perfect isn't reality... because I'm imperfect and I like who I am and always will be. I'm starting off fresh. New goals, new expectations. Just to live life. Love it and be it. Control it. I'm going to try new things, good things. Be different but myself at the same time. My real friends will stick with me. I'm going to keep everything to myself. Not completely lock myself away. I'm slipping into depression. At this point nothing can pick me back up. Except the one thing I'm most afraid of. Talking to my mom about it all. I can't do that. I just can't. I don't have the guts. I don't have the heart to ask. I'm weak. Weakened by everything. Talking isn't going to be my main priority. School is. I'm going to be the new me. Mellow. Calm. Different. Judge me if you want. I just want out of here.

I hate love. I hate it. With a burning, flaming passion. I don't want to feel this anymore. When I do, all I get is people bitching at me. I'm in horrifying pain. Nothing can make it go away. All I feel is hurt and betrayal. Everything changes in a blink of an eye. A couple of words changed my life.

My headache isn't a little ache but one that feels like I just got finished banging my head off of the wall. My face is swollen and my eyes are hard to keep open. My face is huge and feels weird. My vision is blurred and I'm numb. I'm trembling, not with fear but with sadness. I am all out of tears. I can't take my life anymore. No matter what I do nothing is right. It's almost as everyone thrives off of my miserableness, my depression. I can't live anymore. I pray to God for a better day, for help. When he doesn't answer it makes me want to beat myself to death. Jump off of a bridge. When God doesn't answer my prayers, I ask my brother why he doesn't. Nothing comes to me. no answer. No help. Complete and utter silence, except for the screaming and pounding in my head. Why doesn't anybody answer me? Why can't just one person help me. One? I need help.The screaming. The words scrambling in the air. As I was run up the stairs, the only thing running through my head is the time slowing down and my feet swiftly touching the ground at a fast pace. The clanking noise of my slippers against the wood. My mother being drown out and the little voice in my head saying, " You are nothing, worth nothing, nobody loves you, your nothing too everybody, too the world, your insecure and powerless. Lonnie your hated and need to die. Your unwanted..."
I don't know what to do. Everything is stopped. Except the sound of a teardrop splashing against the floor. I hear nothing. Not even the wind outside. Nor the creeks of my footsteps.
I was shattered. I was done. I walked around. It seemed like it took forever. Time didn't fly this time. It didn't go by normal. It was slow. My mother's voice was gone. Nothing was around me. Only the body that held my spirit. I had nothing too think about. Nothing too dream about. Nothing haunted me anymore. It was as if I was the only one in the world. No voices, bodies, or spirits, other than mine. Only the pencil, eraser and paper. I had nothing too fear as the blood from my wrist dripped too the floor.

-Lonnie

#Shattering

#Hate

#SuicidalThoughts

#Breathing

#ICan'tTakeItAnymore.

Day 5- Write Until I Run Out Of Words.

2012-02-07T19:00:00.000-08:00

It is 7:00 Pm on February 7th of 2012. There are so many things I have to say today. I'm sorry if this post is longer than usual. Your probably thinking in your head: "Omg, this is going to be GIGANTIC". It might as well be. The words I'm about to say have strength, weakness, love, hate, immunity, courage and many other characteristics that will fit these paragraphs that are about to appear beneath my fingertips. This will probably contain some foreign language and maybe some disturbing things. The language will be French, because that is the language I know. The language of love. Also, Not as in sexually disturbing. Nothing along those lines. I mean disturbing to the human mind. How I understand some things. My life and mind, including my many thoughts during just today will be spilled onto this page. Some names may be changed, to protect my dignity. Lord if there is any sin upon this page when I'm finished writing. Please forgive the displeasure.

Quand je ferme mes yeux je pense à toi. Je suis en amour avec votre âme. Je voudrais pouvoir toujours vous avez. I want you back. Je m'ennuie de l'essence de votre corps. Je m'ennuie de câlins avec vous sur le canapé. Il ya tellement de choses qui me manquent sur vous. Je m'ennuie de dire Je t'aime. Je m'ennuie de voir vos yeux pointés dans ma direction. J'aime quand tu enchevêtrer les doigts dans la mienne. J'aime quand vous dites non. Tu me manques avec chaque once d'amour dans mon corps. Le monde rend tout difficile. Ma mère est encore pire. Mon amour ne peut se briser pour vous. Je ne pourrai jamais passer à autre chose. Peut-être que je vais dire aux gens que je me suis déplacé sur. Vraiment, tu es toujours dans mon esprit et dans mes rêves. Votre celle que j'aime et je ne cesserai jamais de t'aimer. Nous avons juste besoin d'apprendre à lâcher prise. Pas dans l'amour, mais dans les interactions avec l'autre. Je ne vais pas vous quitter. Je serai là. Il ya un autre monde là-bas. Nous avons tous deux besoin de l'explorer.

Use Google Translate To Figure It Out♥

Many things have passed me by. Some I have noticed, others I have not. The things I do notice aren't always so great. Especially when It comes to guys. They are all selfish, ignorant people. The ones that aren't are hidden. They are hidden behind the walls that say ' You must be good enough to bring this wall down'. Most of the people that read that sign? If you know it or not. Say in their minds, 'I'm too lazy, I'm not good enough, I could never do that, He/She is out of my league, They hate me, I'm Disgustingly ugly and they would never want me'. Don't look for someone with a beautiful face or body. Look deep inside. Interact with them. Study their movements. Where their eyes fasten. If they stare at you. Look at everyone. Not just one person. Believe that you can have anyone you want. Believe that your amazing just the way you are. You have your own flaws and your own beautys. Find the man/woman that will except you for who you are. Not the one that wants you because your 'Sexy'. The people that insult you, don't know that you have a great heart. Use it on them. Love your enemies more than your friends. Don't bring them closer to watch them. Be nicer to them than they would ever think of being to you. Block out the rage and bring in the love. Show them that it doesn't offend you. It might, but don't let them see it. Finally one day? They might stop. They could start respecting you. When they start to respect you, they talk to you. When they talk to you they see the real you. Some could fall in love with you, while others may keep walking. Girls? Don't give yourself up to someone because you 'think' they're perfect. You probably only think they are perfect because they have a nice body, face, hair, or they're popular. Life isn't a popularity contest. Don't give up your body if they ask for it. Blow them off. Show them that they don't have the power. You have the power over YOUR decisions and YOUR life. Don't choose the bad ones over popularity. Choose the good ones for a happy life. Great things come out of good choices. Falling in love is one of those great suprises that comes with being yourself♥

Don't let life pass you by. Watch it's every step. Study it. While your studying it? Start to modify it.. after you modify it. Finish creating what you started, only in a perfect, amazing way. That will make you love life until the day you live to be 85♥ Greatness conquers all. Be great. Don't hate.

Running through my mind today. I was pulling files from my mind and placing them in the right spot. Trying to delete some. They just wouldn't go away. Depression started to settle in. Noticing what was happening I tried to put myself in the best mood possible. I thought about all of my friends that have my back. I thought about everyone that cared. Then I looked across the table. He was sitting there. Playing with my boots with his feet. Placing his legs ontop of mine. Pushing my books ontop of my stuff. Laughing and waiting for me to look him in the eyes. Time froze.. Thinking. I thought and thought. It was all wrong. He has somebody. He is with her. They are great together. Let it go Lonnie. Let it go. I couldn't. I couldn't stop thinking about how long I've liked him. I may not be inlove with him like I am Brandon. But, I have liked him for a long time. He's not just cute. He's funny, and has a great personality. He always asks me whats wrong and protects me from the ignorant world. Constantly telling me, to tell him what people are saying to me so he can protect me. Telling me it will be alright. Playing with my things. Drawing on my notebooks and agenda. Eye contact. His beautiful blue/gray eyes. Amazing. Staring for a minute or so just smiling. I felt frozen. Then, I moved my legs, his feet dropped to the ground. I inched my feet behind my chair. Organized my stuff and sat it underneath me. Moved back with my stuff and went into secure mode. I'm not going to get hurt again I thought. I'm going to keep everything locked in. Don't text him. Don't use the number. Just sit. Don't move until the bell rings. Don't look up... Just as I looked up. He slid a piece of paper underneath my hair and I opened it. I didn't look up. Just slightly moved my hand. "Whats wrong?"..It said. I crumpled it up and put it in my pocket and shook my head. I'm not letting him get to me. Not again. No. Security is my main priority. I'm never giving the key to my heart out again♥

Too much popularity can turn people sick-minded and unlovable. They may be loved by some, but others know what have happened. I have seen many people change over the years. The horror of all of my friends changing dramatically. I miss them. Some I still love because I know deep down they are still there. Others? I let go. I dropped them. They are so concerned about being perfect for everyone else, they lost themselves. Their train of thought is fake. Their mind is fake. Their love is fake. Most of all? Their new friendships are fake. it is all a contest. Who can be cooler? Who can get the most likes on Facebook? Who can date the most girls in a week? Who can be the hottest? Ignore most of them. I try. It is harder than you think. Later on when I do think about it, I realize if I ignore them, they lose power. They lose it against me. Don't let anyone get complete power. Don't let them realize they are the light that everyone follows. They could be leading you down the wrong tunnel. Realize that maybe, just maybe. Complete power over you is ridiculous. It can ruin you. Power Corrupts, Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely♥

Meaning of "Power Corrupts, Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely"- The meaning of this saying is that, given to much power, somebody can ruin everything. If you give one person the whole world. They can go overboard with it. No law, no school. We would all be dead and dumb. No taxes? The government would be poor. We would be owned by China. We already practically are. But still. Don't let someone get ahold of too much Power.

-Lonnie♥

#PowerCorruptency
#Him
#ForeignLanguage
#PopularityDoesn'tOverRule

Day 4- Every Word Has a Million Lies Behind It.

2012-02-06T20:46:00.001-08:00

Today, I feel much better. Fresh air, the basketball game. Being called cute and finding out that I'm a sidekick after hanging out with my Mexican twin. I guess it all helped a lot. Chris isn't my actual twin, he's just a really close guy that isn't just my brother, but so close he could be my twin. Chris knows a lot about me. Some stuff others don't know. I guess he's just funny enough for me to be calm around.

I guess the hero I'm a sidekick too is Hunter. Haha. Funny kid. I met him last summer when he was visiting his grandparents from NC. Love the kid he's great.

Fresh air, It helped my brain. I settled some disputes in my mind and went along with hanging out with my friends. While getting the fresh air we watched the basketball game. I was looking at #4 the whole time. He was a cutie. Gorgeous. Stunning kid really. I loved that he was blonde and big. Not too big, and not too small. Most of all? It was muscle. His name is Tyler. His last name is confidential :P. He is very sweet too. When their game ended and they went to sit on the bench, one of Tyler's friends went up to my friend Lexi and asked for her number. They exchanged. I just sat there with Chris and talked for awhile. At the end I went to walk by the guys and Tyler stopped me. He handed me a little note and smiled at me. He said: "Here's my number(:". The note said: "Text me cute =) (Number)" We texted for a couple of hours and now I'm writing this. He is very sweet. He saw me sitting with Chris and thought I was cute so he gave me his number. He said he only gave me his number. I love being cute. Sometimes.

Well, now that I've described the end of my day with you. I'll get to the subject. It is 11:33 PM on February 6th, 2012. I'm sitting on a chair up against a wall with my laptop on a little cabinet thing. My wifi was unplugged so I am using someone else's.

Every word has a million lies behind it. No matter how you think about it. Someone is always lying. They may have most of the truth but they usually stretch it just a tiny bit. That tiny bit can go a long way. Life has it's way of working through the bush instead of around it. While your going through that bush, It won't be the smooth leaves with berries and a sweet smelling essence to it. The lying bush will be, tall and prickly with a nasty smell and a slimy weird texture and it will be the ugliest thing in the world. Only because, one lie, can turn into one more, then two more, then later on a whole novel of lies.

Lying is a bad thing. A horrible sin. The more you lie the more stressed you become. The more stressed you become, you end up not acting like yourself. If your not acting like yourself what will happen? People will start asking questions. Sooner or later your excuses will start covering up lies. Those excuses will be lies covering up lies. Until one day you burst and tell the truth. Usually if you don't tell it and they find out instead, it all turns into ruins. You could lose trust from friends, best friends, and even family. Lying gets you into horrible situations that take a long time to untangle. If you be careful and stop and count to 3, think about the words that will soon scatter the air and maybe, just maybe. You'll say the right thing. That right thing, can keep you on track for the rest of your life. Just remember. Count. Deep breath. Then scatter the air with the truth.

Don't be the one to write a series of novels. Don't even write a page. If you have written them. Don't publish them quite yet. You can still start over. A brand new book of truth. Maybe even a series. Or a couple. Your lifetime has a long ways to go my love. You can still turn back. Just don't do it for the wrong reasons. Keep it in your mind. That every word has a million lies lying beneath it.

-Lonnie♥

#LyingBreaksYou

#Don'tWriteABadBook

#AMillionWords

#BookOfTruth

Day 3- Being Bipolar

2012-02-05T05:35:00.000-08:00

You probably wouldn't understand unless you were just like me. I am, Bipolar. It's not as bad as it seems. I can control it. Most of the time, only when I can't control it. It is worse than usual. Gets out of hand.

My Bipolar disorder is modern. It is in between okay and horrible. I am violent at times. Hardly ever anymore. When I'm happy I have the greatest times with people. I have amazing memories with some of my best friends in the whole world. The ones that keep me on top. They keep me going. They are the sturdy land in which I stand on. Everyone else is like quick-sand. They try to pull me in or I sink. When I sink, I fall into depression because of hurtful things that go through my mind when I fight with my friends. That's why I mostly stick with certain people. These friends are the ones that don't try to take control of my steering wheel and drive me off the road. When they take my wheel, it's to turn me in the right direction or get me back on track. These are the people that keep my disorder calm.

Over the years I have had some accidents, where it does get out of hand. I've hurt a couple of people. Screamed at some and made people cry. This only happens when you say something stupid about my family, Like talk bad on my brother, tell me that my moms a phsyco for thinking your family are drug addicts (Which they were). Using the 'C' word against me pisses me off pretty quick. I take that very offensive and my fist will immediately fly at your face. Nothing will hold me back. I tried to hit one of my best friends at a time. We were fighting and she used it on me and I had to have 2 other people hold me back.

The day that a girl was talking about my brother. She might not have known he passed. Still she shouldn't have said what she said. I'm not going to say what she said because that's personal. The things I did to her where unexplainable. I grabbed her by her hair and smashed her face up against a cement wall. Her left cheek was gashed to the bone and she was bleeding out of her nose as well. When she dropped to the ground holding her face. I dropped as well, feeling as horrible as I did for letting it get out of hand, from words that could have, MAYBE been taken back. I comforted her and told her my complete explanation and apology. I kissed her forehead and called her mother. After about 7 months the family forgave me. Till' this day, I still do not forgive her words. I do apologize for the misunderstanding and uncontrollable urge to hit her. For what I did was unnecessary. God save her for the words she described and placed my brother to be. Amen.

-Lonnie♥

#TheStartOfAHeartAche

2012-02-03T21:45:00.000-08:00

Love is a mysterious thing. It can make you do stupid things. Things that you would never do without the feeling of affection towards another human being. This affection isn't just the kind of affection that a whore gives a pimp on occassion. This is the kind of love and affection, when an old man kisses his old ladies hand that holds the ring that married them 58 years ago. This kind of love kills.

It's a scary thought. If you think about it, if your brave enough, love can bring you to do something that can ruin your life. Maybe even kill you. Don't give everything you have for one person. Unless you know for sure your going to be with them forever. If that person tells you to do stupid things or useless things, and asks for money. They are using you and your credit card. Playing your heart. Slicing through it. Later on, you'll be bankrupt and they'll be out the door. Love needs understanding. It needs boundaries as well. When the time comes, a little feeling in the pit of your stomach will tell you, you will be with this man/woman forever. This is fate that brought you together.

But sometimes, that little feelings, might just be, the start of a heart ache.

#TheStartOfAHeartAche
#Don'tLetThemBreakYou
#ControlIt

Day 2- Life Needs It's Own Anti-Depresent

2012-02-03T21:44:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been pushed to do something. Pushed so hard? Threatened. Feeling like you have no other choice. This might seem stupid. You will start thinking, why are you telling this? Why are you speaking of this? Isn't this personal? Yes it is, but I feel the need to let my guard down here, and vent.

If someone pushes you to do something or they bully you, maybe even taunt you because you aren't the 'same'. Everyone is equal. We all have our flaws and beautys, but most of all we are all born brother and sister. I understand that you may not believe that. I'm just stating my belief. You might think there is no God. I do. I might have sinned in my life, but I always kneel down and pray my heart out the God as if he were my best friend. If you think about it, God is the only one that really knows EVERYTHING about you. He knows things you might not even know about yourself.

The days that I went into full on depression, not eating for days, or coming out of my room, or crying for hours on end. Those were the days that felt like years. The minutes felt like hours. and the hours felt like days. The seconds didn't fly by. I felt like I was watching the Sun's every movement. I tried many things to make my depression go away. I took antibiotics to calm my pain and my mind. I cut myself and still have scars down my arms. I could feel the blood dripping down my arm, I watched the red streak from one side to another. It built up and slowely fell to the ground. My mind was in slow motion. I could hear only the droplets of blood splattering upon the floor. I was in shock. I started bleeding more than I thought I would. I wrapped my arm in gozz and put all of my bracelets on over it. I knelt down to the Lord and asked him to releave me of my sins. I asked him to forgive me for hurting my body. I believed he did forgive me. Till' this day I still have those scars, I will never again touch a razor blade. Or for that matter, to many antibiotics.
Crazy Things.

Unbelivable Mysteries.

Depression.

Shock.

#LifeNeedsIt'sOwnAntiDepresent

Day 1- My Life In Words.

2012-02-03T04:16:00.000-08:00

Okay, Right. I didn't count yesterday as a real blog day. Only because I had no time to post 'Day 1-' So I'm starting today.

I'm posting this Febuary 3rd, 2012 at 6:42 AM,
I'm here today because things in my life are either passing me by, or stopping in the middle of my tracks to punch me in the face. The world is a nasty, sick-minded place if your a girl like me. I have my days of happiness but most are filled with despair. Life isn't great to me. Therefore, I came here to let my feelings out for you people to watch and read. Blogging, it seems a good way to vent.

Throughout my life I've had some things stop me in my tracks. It all started when I was 3 1/2.Tommie was the greatest man in the entire world. He was loving, caring and most of My Daddy♥ He was a Seargant in the Marines. He fought for our country and loved America. I love America and the World, but sometimes I think we take it to far. Tommie passed away when he had an anurism in the back of his neck. My aunt Sheryl was the only one with him at the time.. It still scars me this day. R.I.P♥

I never really got over my dad passing away. I mean, who would? It's not a thing that just goes away in two seconds, or even a year. It will never go away if you really loved him. I was worked up for awhile about it. Then I went back to my old self. I'm not saying I forgot about him, I thought about him all the time. I just needed my life back. Come on I was almost 4.

My whole life I was best friends with my brother Timothy, or as I called him, 'Bruder' (Another form of brother). He was like my other dad. He was the closest thing I had. I wasn't ever really close with anyone else. We did everything together. Yeah, we had our ups and downs. Until one day when I was 6 and he was 22, Timothy was riding four-wheelers with Billy and Timothy stopped to pick up a cord from the grass so none of us would step on it.. This cord was an electrical cord. The PGNE had 2 weeks to fix it. They never did. It had broken all the way and was laying in the grass for anyone to touch. My brother just happened to be the one to touch it. When he touched it, it automatically shocked him to death. Electrical currents of about 1,000 serged through his body.. He passed instantly. My sister Angelica went over and did almost 5 hours of SPR on him. Everyone cried and cried. I, wasn't there. I had no idea anything was happening. I was staying the night at my friends. My mom Beverly, had me stay at my good friend Teddy's for two weeks. She hid it from me. When I had finally got home, I walked in the door and my mom was bawling. I stopped and she said to me: ' He's gone Lonnie, Timothy is Gone'. Then and there, I dropped to my knees and cried my heart out. Barely taking a breat between tears, I stopped breathing for a couple of minutes. I couldn't take it. He was gone. My very own brother. MY BROTHER. The only thing going through my head was 'I never got to say good-bye, I never got to say I love you, I didn't get to hear his voice. WHY GOD'. A 6 year old should not go through this kind of thing.. I was horrified. Broken. Forever scarred. Still till' this day it makes me burst into tears when I look at a picture of him. Any little thing that reminds me of him, or his name. Makes me want to rip my heart out and give it to God in trade for my brother to come back. I miss him with every ounce of my body. I would do anything for him to be back with me. I think of him every moment and every second of every day. Nothing could make me forget him♥ R.I.P♥

California was my hometown until I was 9-10. We ended up moving 3000 miles away to Pennsylvania. We left everyone and I was in the 4th grade. I have a lot of friends now. Although I still go through depression. Horrid depression. To make it worse the guy that my Mother has been with for 6 years, I hate him. He's stupid. Abusive, mean, kranky, illiterate and most of all a dick. After everything he has done to us my mom is taking him back. She kicked him out for 4 months and then he went to Prison. He is still there. But This is ridiculous. She thinks he's really gonna quit everything he does? She's wrong. He'll be the same man he has all his life. Somebody can't just change in two seconds. I won't listen to him, I won't hug him, I won't even talk to him. He can Leave and never come back.
Pennsylvania?, I like it here. It's a good place. Except for the town I live in. All we have here are wrongful people. Maybe some are decent but most are indecent. Hard-headed, wrong-minded, sick people. Most of all girls that can throw a rock hard fist. Yeaaaah. Thats right. Moi. I have my sides. Small and vulnerable, and tough and fierce. I don't show my small and vulnerable one much. Not in person anyways. I've been here for almost 5 years. I've been Pennsylvania-I-Fied. I'll always miss California. Especially because of everything this town has brought me to.

Then, I met Brandon. I fell inlove with him at the moment we started talking. He was sweet, funny and we could talk for hours on the computer and phone. We talked about everything and anything. Only problem was he was 2 years older than me. I liked him a lot and I always thought about him. We started around November something of 2010. I fell inlove with him November 22nd, 2010. I loved him ever since. Then we broke up. I found out that he was inlove with another girl also. He was telling her all the things he told me. Then the day I found out he lost his virginity to her. It broke my heart. Everything I had died inside of me. After he told me I was the only girl. The biggest lie ever. I broke down and cried for days. Staying home from school while my mom worked. I wouldn't eat or drink anything. I was done. I didn't talk to Brandon for almost 4 months. Then we dated again. After I started to trust him. We dated for almost 2 months until we broke up again.. and through all of that. I was suffering from depression. I still am, because I still love him. I love him with all of my heart. I will never go back though. Until I feel the time is right. The time must be perfect. Everything has its way. I just have mine.

The beauty of life, is from your heart. Life can be ugly or beautiful. It just depends how YOU want to put it -♥-

# ImSuffering
#HaveABeautifulDayLove

-Lonnie

Baby, I'm Right Here♥

2012-02-02T16:55:00.000-08:00

For every mistake I've made, I've gotten greater at everything else I do. For every friend I've lost, I've become closer to another. For every teddybear that has been lost, a little bit of love is gained by a new teddybear. Have you ever felt though, that that teddybear held something that no other teddybear could hold. That teddybear made you feel a way no other teddybear could make you feel? If you can, never let that teddy out of your arms. Never let it touch the ground. Never let it leave your pillow. When I was little I would whisper my wishes into my Carebear's ear. That carebear? Is now today, still sitting on my bed. I've had her since I was 8. She holds every secret I've ever had within her stuffing.. In her little teddybear..soul♥